Introduction - How I got where I am today.

 Hi! I’m Dylan Burron. A little about myself. I am a multi-billionaire. I know! Lucky me, eh? But there’s a mystique around us, just like we find a mystique around trillionaires. I want you to know what my life is like; it’s not all gorgeous women, fawning world leaders, opulence and huge yachts. There’s another 3% which people don’t see. And I want people to experience that 3%.

A little about myself. I was born in Lincolnshire in 1987. We were not rich. Living in a mere 24 bedroom mansion with a tiny 3,400acre garden and meagre staffing. My Father, Lord Zoomby, lead a mild but simple life, working all the hours God sent, sometimes over 3 a week! Mother was a stay at home Duchess, relying on a pittance from Father, and on the support of just 12 staff for her day to day survival. It was very much an ordeal.

Father ran the small business called the Global Conglomerate International Industries. Father was very keen on getting the full British stamp on everything the company did, and to that end bought a lot of stamps with the flag on from China. Of course it was a shock when he died; especially to Rani and Titania, who were there at the time. They tried their best but by the time they had untied him from the wartenburg wheel and taken out the ball gag it was too late.

Of course, as soon as we were aware, we rushed to an accountants office to sort things out. My Father had not had the foresight to make a Will, and thus we would have to share our inheritance with the tax man. Fortunately, our family solicitor is very sharp on these matters, and one consultation, two witnesses and a forged signature later, all was solved.

Of course, there was then the question of which of his sons would take over his illustrious mantel. Which of us could take things forward? Of course, the girls were ruled out immediately. They were girls. So it was between myself, George, Bazil and Romulus. A short period of reflection by us all was advised, so we could genuinely consider if we had what it takes. We were all to take ourselves away and consider, in solitude, our true calling. When I returned, several days later, I was shocked to learn my brothers had all mysteriously died. The chances of that happening are literally above very large figures indeed, and thus, in keeping with family tradition, we just buried them in the grounds of my Mothers’ house and pretended they’d all gone to live in a commune in Belgium. There followed an intense period of mourning, which seemed to go on and on but in fact was right up until the end of the Directors’ Board Meeting that afternoon, when I was chosen as the new CEO.

The job of CEO is a lot of responsibility. The fates of literally millions of people is in your hands. I would wake up every five minutes worrying about them. The only respite was when I left the office or limosine or the weekends, when my concerns would cease. The responsibility of a CEO is nothing to trifle with; it’s such a level of power over so many, their homes, their families depend on the decisions you make. Such is the thing with a multi-billion dollar concern. So I closed the company, liquidated all the assets and moved on with my life. Of course, the other Directors were not too keen on this course of action. You will have read about that terrible tragedy. I need say no more.

One of the saddest things was that Burron Manor was in the Corporations name, and I will admit to shedding a tear as Mother was dragged out by some of my representatives and put in a home in the Orkneys. Telling her the news was bad enough. The shouting, the tears, the claims of betrayal! When I heard about these I was very unhappy. I was going to write to her but what does one say? Best leave the dust settle, I think. She has written to me, I recognise the writing on the envelopes.

So now I am what they call ‘A Billionaire Playboy’. And in this blog I will let you into the secret life of my own modest lifestyle.